That Time I Got Robbed By Strippers at a Bachelor Party

It all went down at our friend Brad’s apartment in North Hollywood. Our friend Eric was getting married later that fall, so we wanted to celebrate accordingly. Eric, however, was not interested in celebrating in the reckless fashion that most bachelor parties are advertised nowadays, but instead wanted to have a low-key evening drinking beers with his boys.

Before I even arrived, however, the others had pranked Eric by blindfolding him and having an old man wearing a martial arts uniform perform a lapdance on our unsuspecting bachelor. By the time I got there, the old man was already stripped to his skivvies, doing his best impersonation of Walter White in his tighty whities. I never got his real name, but let’s call him Walter for the sake of this story.

The evening progressed quietly after that — with everyone drinking beers and playing music. However, there was a restless feeling of hope and anxiety brewing within all of us. After all, we were at a bachelor party — we wanted to see “something weird.”

Unbeknownst to Eric who was out smoking on the balcony, a few of the guys decided to take action. Behind the security of a closed bedroom door, my friend Tommy began searching online for some entertainment to liven up our party. After filling me in on his secret plan and showing me some of our options, he disappeared with a few of the other guys to discuss money and terms over the phone with our prospects.

After contributing some money to our entertainment endeavor, I settled back into my seat on the couch feeling both a sense of excitement and indifference; my feeling was that while it would be awesome to see “something weird” transpire that evening, I was perfectly fine just drinking beers and casually hanging out with my friends.

Then the intercom rang. Someone was here.

Everyone crowded around the intercom screen feeling both giddy and drunk with anticipation. Eric, who by this time had figured out what was going on, was appreciative of our gesture, but thought the whole thing was silly, as he disappeared onto the balcony for another smoke.

We welcomed two young ladies into the apartment, and Tommy began ironing out the final details of the negotiations. I turned to my friend Zack, and we both gleefully exclaimed, “I just want to see something weird!”

After a few moments, however, it became clear that our wishes might not be granted that evening; Tommy and the women appeared to be having a disagreement about the arrangement. Once we all discovered how much they really wanted for their services, we all politely declined and apologized to them for their trouble. As they headed out the door, there was a sense of both disappointment and relief in the room. We had certainly tried to make Eric’s bachelor party a memorable one, but the terms were far beyond what we felt were reasonable, so we dusted off our hands of our failed attempt, and looked forward to drinking the night away.

Then the intercom rang. They were back.

Now in hindsight, this is honestly when we should have stuck to our guns and told them we were happy with our decision to forego their services. We should have thanked them for reconsidering and wished them well on whatever they had planned for the rest of their evening.

But we were drunk — and very curious.

The two young women came back into Brad’s apartment and told us they had changed their stance on the money, and were willing to take our offer. Zack and I looked at each other with huge grins — we were finally going to see “something weird!”

One of the girls decided to freshen up in the bathroom, while the other sat in the living room getting to know us. She seemed friendly but on-guard as we all sat around waiting for the show to start. Her friend eventually came out of the bathroom, but then excused herself to get something from her car.

None of us thought anything of it at the time. She had left her purse behind in the apartment, and her friend was still talking to us on the couch, so everything appeared to be as normal as I’d imagine these types of bachelor party transactions go.

When the girl returned, however, she walked in through the door with four guys following her. My friends all stopped what they were doing to assess the new situation. The four guys entered the apartment and spread themselves out around the room as if anticipating something to go down. It was clear they meant business.

I was seated on the couch, and I’m not sure if it’s because I had a few beers in my system, but instead of feeling fear or uneasiness, I felt a bit excited to see what would happen next. I felt like I was watching a movie or a TV show, and this next scene would be the climax. The fact that I was lounging on the couch probably contributed to this ridiculous outlook.

One of the intruders demanded to know who lived in the apartment. Brad approached him calmly and told him we didn’t want any trouble — we’re just trying to throw a bachelor party and have a good time. The intruder began discussing the terms for the women’s services; instead of accepting the money at the end of the show, he wanted to collect the money upfront.

In an effort to diffuse the situation, Brad coolly agreed with the intruder and handed him the money. As soon as that happened, the tension in the air began to dissipate and everyone, including the women and the intruders, appeared to relax and smile. In a show of hospitality, Brad even offered beers to our “new friends,” and welcomed them to join us for the show.

My friends and I slowly began easing into a state of relief, but no sooner had we let our guard down than the ladies and their company swiftly headed towards the door with all of our money. They weren’t particularly moving fast, but I think the realization that we were being robbed left us too dumbfounded to react, as we watched them casually walk out the door with our cash.

After the reality of what just happened started to sink in, we all had different reactions. Some of us wanted to go after them to get our money back, while others were willing to let it all go for the sake of avoiding any more surprises. I was in the latter camp for two reasons:

• They could have weapons in their possession.
• They now knew where our friend Brad lived, and could come back to retaliate.

At some point, Eric the bachelor returned from smoking on the balcony and asked us what had happened. Apparently, he had noticed some activity going on inside, but didn’t bother to pay attention to understand what was going on. Walter White, who by the this time had finally put on some clothes, was convinced that “those guys were definitely carrying.”

The most humorous part of the evening for me was seeing Zack’s reaction after our unwanted visitors had left. With an incredulous smile on his face, he exclaimed, “What just happened?! What just happened?!”

Both he and I wanted to see “something weird” transpire that evening, and we certainly did; it was just a lot more than we’d bargained for.